I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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