I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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