just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
