Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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