Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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