Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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