Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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