he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Drunk is not a location!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
