We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
