you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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