Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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