If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
What a dumb baby whore.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
