she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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