he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
How's work?
Spinning.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
