She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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