I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
