wakey wakey hands off snakey
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
