i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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