he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
