I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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