Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
