Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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