another moral hangover. fuck.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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