She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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