I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
im holly from the hills drunk
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
