She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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