Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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