dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
