Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
