I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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