tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
