Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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