Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
