i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
