It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
