everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
