i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
