Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
