areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
