hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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