Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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