there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
