Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
