He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize