I CAN MOONWALK!
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
