i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
