I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize