May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
