This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
