he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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