Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
