i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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