Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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