I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You are a genius and a whore.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
