Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
