Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you win again, gameday.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
