based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
