just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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