I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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