I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
