Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize