I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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