How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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