Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
