Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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