this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
