a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
