My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
