i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
