We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
