I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
