had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
