just come out here and I will go home with you...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize