She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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