Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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